TL;DR
A one-page, tongue-in-cheek pitch urges developers to consolidate many infrastructure services onto Cloudflare. The site lists Cloudflare offerings and free-tier claims while criticizing multi-vendor setups in blunt language.
What happened
A satirical landing page was published that bluntly encourages developers to stop using multiple vendors and move their stacks onto Cloudflare. The page juxtaposes Cloudflare’s listed services — including Workers, Pages, R2, D1, KV, Durable Objects, Queues, Workflows and Workers AI — against competitors and argues these features are available under a single platform and bill. It highlights purported advantages such as a global anycast CDN with DDoS protection, serverless databases at the edge, S3-compatible object storage with no egress fees, and various free-tier allotments. The tone is deliberately abrasive and uses profanity to drive the message that many teams are overpaying for fragmented infrastructure. The site frames Cloudflare as an all-in-one alternative to assembling multiple third-party providers.
Why it matters
- The page promotes consolidation of multiple infrastructure components onto a single platform, suggesting potential simplification of billing and operations.
- It draws attention to service inclusions that buyers often treat as add-ons, such as CDN coverage and DDoS protection, positioning them as standard on every plan.
- The landing page emphasizes free-tier limits and zero-egress claims, which are frequently a central factor in developers’ cost calculations.
- The messaging reflects a broader developer discussion about trade-offs between multi-vendor best-of-breed stacks and single-platform convenience.
Key facts
- The site lists Cloudflare products: Workers, Pages, R2, D1, KV, Durable Objects, Queues, Workflows, Workers AI and Vectorize.
- It describes a global anycast CDN with built-in DDoS protection and caching as included on every plan.
- The page claims R2 object storage is S3-compatible and advertises zero egress fees for R2.
- D1 is described as a serverless SQLite database with read replication and edge querying; the page advertises a free allotment of 5M reads/day.
- Pages is presented as a hosting service with unlimited bandwidth, real previews and Git integration, with unlimited free sites according to the page.
- Workers are described as V8 isolates with no cold starts and execution at 300+ edge locations; a free tier of 100K requests/day is listed.
- Workers AI is promoted as a way to run LLMs at the edge with a stated free allowance of 10K neurons/day.
- Queues are presented as guaranteed message delivery with zero egress fees and at-least-once delivery semantics.
- The site also highlights wholesale domain pricing, free SSL certificates, and built-in DDoS protection as included platform features.
- Tone of the page is intentionally abrasive and profane, aimed at convincing developers to consolidate infra and stop managing many vendors.
What to watch next
- Developer reaction to the messaging and whether it influences platform consolidation decisions — not confirmed in the source
- Any third-party comparisons or independent benchmarks validating the performance and cost claims on the page — not confirmed in the source
Quick glossary
- CDN: Content Delivery Network: a distributed system of servers that delivers web content to users based on their geographic location to reduce latency.
- Edge computing: Execution of code or processing closer to end users by running workloads on servers located near network edges to reduce latency.
- Object storage: A storage architecture that manages data as objects, commonly used for large volumes of unstructured data like images and backups.
- Egress fees: Charges for transferring data out of a cloud provider’s network to the public internet or another region/provider.
- Serverless: A cloud execution model where the provider manages underlying servers and automatically scales execution in response to demand; developers are billed for usage.
Reader FAQ
What is this site?
A satirical, expletive-forward landing page advocating for consolidating infrastructure onto Cloudflare and listing platform features and free-tier claims.
Which Cloudflare services does the page mention?
The page lists Workers, Pages, R2, D1, KV, Durable Objects, Queues, Workflows, Workers AI and Vectorize.
Does the page claim cost or performance benefits?
It claims simplification to a single bill, various free-tier allowances, and 'zero egress fees' for R2 and queues, but independent validation is not provided on the page.
Are there independent benchmarks or comparisons on the site?
Not confirmed in the source.
CDN VS. CLOUDFRONT, AKAMAI, FASTLY Global anycast CDN with built-in DDoS protection and smart caching. No extra boxes, no multi-vendor dance. GLOBAL CDN INCLUDED ON EVERY PLAN JUST FUCKING USE…
Sources
- Show HN: Just Fucking Use Cloudflare – A satirical guide to the CF stack
- Just Fucking Use Cloudflare – A satirical guide to the CF …
- Hacker News Daily
- comments – Hacker News
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